Tuesday, September 14, 2010

modern times have got me down

From Schmidt & Weston blog

I have recently updated my video server. Now you can watch any of the videos I've created on your iPad or iPhone. I don't have one, but after borrowing a friend's today, I can assure you, if the videos don't play for you on the bus while you are blocking the exit... well it's no longer my fault.

One of the other major upgrades is the statistics associated with each of my short little films. As with most numbers, it is not all good news.

After careful review of the statistics pages on my various online, here are some rules of online media.

1. Photos beat text.

2. Photos of naked ladies beat photos of anything else. Quality not important.

3. Videos beat photos.

4. Videos of cute animals doing something funny beat all other footage (except, of course, porno - see rule 2). Again, quality not important.

5. Videos of topless male fire fighters will get noticed by women, despite being taught my entire life that women are above such overt visual stimulation.

6. Short is better than long. (Irony noted. Laugh it up, perverts).

7. Funny is better than sad.

8. Sexy is better than funny, but no one will ever admit to watching it.

9. People will comment and like videos on Facebook, but will tend to balk at commenting or liking on other more trustworthy websites, citing fear of spam as the reason. Oh the irony.

10. Copyright infringement is only a concern for professional filmmakers. It's a free for all for the rest of you. EXPLETIVE YOU! This year's hot theft of intellectual property: Lady Gaga's Poker Face. For shame, librarians - supposed protectors of such things.

11. My illegal spouse/room mate, can do better marketing that I can.

From Schmidt & Weston blog

The hardest lesson from my statistics page is that many of my prospective employers and clients who promised me that they watched my demo reel.... didn't.

My feeling is hurt. That feeling is anger.

It's not so much that I mind that they didn't watch what I made (people are busy, I presume), though it would be polite seeing as I'm putting in a lot of effort in the trying to make my way in the world (which does take everything you got). What really burns is the lying.

But now I know, and knowing is half the battle.

Oh, and the photos... due to rule number 1, I felt it was important to include a couple of pretty pictures to make sure you read through at least half way. They were taken from my special spot I go to when modern times do get me down. I loved trains when I was a little boy, and it turns out I still do.


  1. You had me at video server. Didn't need to read the rest.

  2. Are you saying you want more comments? Buck up, champ. You're putting beauty into the world. Mostly.



Thank you for visiting. I live in Vancouver now, but I've lived in other places too. I take photos and make short films about things and people. Please comment and be argumentative. It amuses me.

My main website is schmidtandweston.com

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