Monday, September 6, 2010

Eric Fell reading that horrid vampire story

There are these new vampire related movies out. I think something to do with Twilight or some such thing. I'm not likely to ever watch the films because I think Buffy the Vampire Slayer had the last word on the way vampires ought to be portrayed. Vampires should never simply sparkle in the sun... they melt or burn in agony, and sometimes you get to see their skeletons moments before they are gone for good.

Anyhow, this is the full version of Eric Fell, a local actor and soon to be famous, reading part of Stephanie Meyer's craptacular final novel in the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn. This was part of the Say Wha?! evening of rotten writing, created and hosted by Sara Bynoe. It is funny stuff, though I'm not sure Stephanie meant it to be funny. It makes me sad that this stupid little story has turned into fantasy fodder for both young teen girls and middle aged single ladies. Perhaps we can all make millions by appealing to this strange predictable group.

I once witnessed this world first hand when I worked for the CBC for one day as a production assistant. Really, I was a glorified security guard for some guy who nearly won Canadian Idol. I haven't seen his mug since that day, but he seemed pretty nice. I met him in what passed for a collective green room in West Edmonton Mall.

The young girls in the audience scared me. They had been in line since 6 am for a noon time show. I believe the demographic was 9 to 15 year old girls, plus a handful of scary looking single women in their late 40s early 50s. I was harassed by all, including a woman in her 50s who had flown from Montréal that day to see this teenage boy grab his last few minutes of fame. She wanted a private audience with the Canadian Idol loser. (No judgement, he lost... he was the first or second loser).

There is something truly terrifying about teen girls screaming and fussing over one, not so bad but not great, teen heart throb and his bored, embarrassed looking band.

Because I was told to be smiling and helpful to these girls, I got to hear questions such as "did you meet J (don't recall his actual name, but it started with J)?" "Is he pretty?" "Does he masturbate?"

I was shocked by the last question (and I heard it more than once), but continued to smile as if I hadn't heard a geeky looking 14 year old utter such a question to a 30 year old man.

I went home feeling dirty through no fault of my own, and huddled in a corner.


  1. Hey, just thought I'd check out your blog after you left a comment on mine.

    I can't stand or comprehend the Twilight phenomenon. And believe me, it's not just the teens and middle aged women who are crazy about it. I know a lot of people my age (20s) who know are just as fanatic about it.

    As for the crazy questions you were asked....when I was in high school the boy bands were really popular and a girl in one of my classes had a cousin or something who danced with NSYNC and he or she brought the girl backstage after the band's concert in our area. When she was bragging about meeting the guys in class, other girls asked her all sorts of ridiculous questions about the band members. I remember one girl asking her about Justin Timberlake's hair and what it feels and smells like. And someone else asked her if she took their socks and underwear. Even as a 15 year old girl I knew that was not normal.

  2. Thanks for the comment.

    I'm glad I'm not alone in my confusion over the Twilight movies/books. My only real knowledge comes from that reading by Eric, so I can't say I've been fair in my critique. It shouldn't bother me that it is successful, but as an under employed freelance filmmaker, it is very frustrating to see crap become such a phenomenal success.

    I think that is what bothers me about young girls going crazy over the latest boy band. It is so manufactured... and I guess I'm slightly jealous that that is what sells.

    But then, I remember liking things back then that I have to laugh at now.

    Also, that experience with the young teens revealed that sex education hasn't changed since my day; leaving out the crucial important stuff you really need to know so you don't spend your time feeling like a pervert, and instead fill young minds with fear and dread.

    Such is life.



Thank you for visiting. I live in Vancouver now, but I've lived in other places too. I take photos and make short films about things and people. Please comment and be argumentative. It amuses me.

My main website is

other posts